Maybe this is how it's supposed to be (one shot, complete)
by I hate the snow
Summary: Farm era, Rick and Lori discuss what to do for their dying son.


_Lori Grimes was staring at the ceiling, the machines constantly monitoring her heart rate and blood pressure._

 _She was numb from the chest down, but could feel a tugging sensation as the doctor worked to get to her uterus._

 _"You're doing just fine, baby." Rick whispered through his paper mask. "Remember our deal…Irish twins? Another baby eleven months from now."_

 _"You've gone crazy." Lori softly said to her husband. Her light brown eyes locked with his baby blues, both Grimes teaming with tears._

 _The mask was obscuring her sight of his lips, but she could tell by the way his cheeks moved that he was smiling._

 _"I know….just teasing. I love you so much. You're doing fine." Rick responded, as he used the now dry and warm cloth to wipe her forehead._

 _"Just a little pressure." Doctor Williams announced. "Dad, stand up and look over here."_

 _While still holding Lori's hand, mindful of the IV needle sticking out of her vein, Rick stood up and watched while the obstetrician and pediatrician worked on bringing Carl Grimes into this world._

 _"Just what we figured…breech." The pediatrician, Doctor Ross said._

 _"He's coming out butt first…little stinker's mooning us." Rick joked._

 _Lori smiled, but held her breath. "Why isn't he crying?" She asked, seconds before a healthy newborn cry echoed throughout the room._

 _"Congratulations! Healthy baby boy!" The two doctors said proudly._

 _"You did it baby….I love you, so much." Rick said, then quickly pulled the paper mask to his chin and kissed his wife on the lips. "You're queen of the castle." He said to the only female Grimes in the family._

 _xxxxx_

"What happened?" Lori screamed in a panic.

"He just fainted…probably from the blood loss." A familiar voice said, as Rick felt the pads of someone's fingers talking his pulse.

"He's coming around. Patricia, please get the smelling salts."

The woman with the strawberry blonde hair rushed over to the kitchen chair, both she and Hershel bringing Rick back to consciousness.

"There you are. Alright, take a deep breath. Beth is getting you some juice and cookies. You just need to rest.

xxxxx

He didn't know how much longer it was, but when he fully regained consciousness he was sitting with Lori on the front porch, trying to get some fresh air. Lori was on the front porch, resuming the nervous habit of chewing on her fingernails.

"You alright?" She asked, through tears.

"Yeah." He said, trying to maintain his balance. "You?"

The sweltering Georgia night was quiet, a moment of refuge from the craziness they've been facing for the past few weeks. Lori handed him a glass of juice for him to drink and adjusted the Ziploc bag filled with ice which lay on the back of his neck.

They were quiet for a few moments before Lori stated, "maybe this isn't a world for children anymore."

"Yeah well, we have a child. Carl is here in this world now."

"Maybe he shouldn't be. Maybe this is how it's supposed to be."

"You can't mean that. Okay. All right. I can understand that thought crossing your mind."

"It didn't cross my mind, Rick. I can't stop thinking it. Why do we want Carl to live in this world? To have this life? So he can see more people torn apart in front of him? So that he can be hungry and scared for however long he has so he can run and run and run and run and then even if he survives he ends up he ends up just another animal who doesn't know anything except survival? If he if he dies tonight, it ends for him." The raven haired beauty said, tears streaming down her face.

In frustration Rick rubbed his fingers through his hair. "Tell me why it would be better another way. What changed? What? Jenner offered us a way out. You asked him to let us keep trying. You begged him. 'For as long as we can,' you said. What changed?"

"There was a moment the other day…it was just a second but I forgot Jacqui was dead. I turned around, I wanted to tell her something. I almost said her name. It was just a second and then I remembered. But then I realized she didn't have to see any of it. The highway, the herds, Sophia, Carl getting shot she didn't She doesn't have to be afraid anymore. Hungry. Angry. It hasn't stopped happening, Rick. It's like we live with a knife at our throats every second of every day. But Jacqui doesn't. Not anymore. And then I thought, maybe Jenner was right."

"I don't accept that. I can't accept that. That man surrendered. It doesn't matt…it doesn't matter what he said. None of it. You really think it would be better if Carl if we just gave up?"

"Tell me why it would be better the other way. Please. If something happened and we had to leave…we'd have no home, this thing has killed half the world, and we don't know what's out there."

"You're right…we don't know what's out there. It could be a cure, a safe haven, a life worth living."

"Or we could face more of those things. There could come a day when we don't have anything, and then what happens. We could face a madman who wants to use the end of the world for himself. But for Carl…he could be with your parents, mine, Jeff…"

Rick paced around the porch in the moonless night, and whispered, "When I passed out…earlier. I was thinking about the day he was born. It was so vivid…"

Lori looked at her feet and her shoulders slumped forward. She was defeated.

"I don't know what to do. I don't want him to suffer. We don't know what tomorrow holds."

xxxxx

The screen door flew open, and Beth popped her head out. "Guys, come quick."

Lori caught Rick as he almost fell over and the two ran back inside the house, through the living room and to the back bedroom.

Carl was shaking violently.

"Oh God…" Lori screamed.

"What's going on?" Rick asked.

"Another seizure." Hershel responded, a hint of sadness in his voice.

Lori sat on the bed and tried to talk to her son, "Baby boy…baby boy, I'm here, Daddy's here. My baby boy..." Her face was streaked with tears when she looked at Hershel. "He's not stopping."

Rick leaned over his son, shoulder to shoulder with his wife. "Carl, buddy….can you hear me? Wake up…please, buddy…" the officer looked at the former combat medic and begged "Please, give him something!"

Hershel shook his head…he didn't have the medication needed to stop the convulsions.

Carl continued to shake his entire body. There was a faint odor of urine as Lori noticed the boy wet himself. His eyes rolled back into his head and the non-stop drool collected on the mattress.

"Finally." Rick hissed, as Carl lay still. Beth ran in with a cloth dampened with cold water. Lori nodded in thanks and placed the towel on her son's forehead. The seizure stopped, but Carl wasn't moving.

"Carl." Rick snapped. "Carl, wake up."

Lori started to panic as Rick placed the tips of his index and middle fingers on the soft spot below his son's ear.

"Hershel, compressions." Rick yelled, as he sealed his lips around his son's mouth and filled Carl's lungs with his own breath.

"No...no…no…no…" The sheriff yelled, as the compressions caused the wound to open and bleed.

Patricia ran over and assumed the breathing duties, as Rick stepped back, holding Lori in his arms.

After at least twenty minutes, the two looked at each other, and Hershel shook his head "no."

The silence of the night was pierced by Rick, screaming in anguish.

Carl was gone.


End file.
